Friday, February 28, 2003


Last night after Brendan and I finished theory homework and when Flora was done with rehearsal, we all went to Walmart for some SETC supply shopping. It really got me excited and in the mood for SETC, I can't believe it's already next week! We'll be leaving Tuesday night, in fact. I bought a nice bag to carry things around in, since I don't have a purse, and I'd rather not lug my clunky backpack everywhere. I don't buy new bags often, but when I do, its first hour or so in my possession is usually spent by finding stuff to put in its pockets. Squirt dubbed it a stage manager's bag, and I guess that will be true, since I'm participating in the 24-hour play festival as a stage manager.

Although I'm preparing as best I can, I know missing two days of classes will put a big dent in my efforts to keep up, even though I feel I'm currently ahead of myself as far as classwork. Still, I've talked to all my professors, and they don't seem to think I'll have much of a problem. I'm going to try my best to not worry about the missed work and to enjoy the convention. Jeff was explaining to me how the Job Contact event works, and his enthusiasm got me excited in turn. He's going to help me finalize my resume today.

So, all my nervousness is dripping away and being replaced by excitement. This weekend I'll devote to getting ahead in my classwork, and making sure my scholarship application to Corning will be ready to send the minute I get back in town. The rest will be packing and preparing and hopping about in excitement.

Oh, let's just face it, I can't wait ^_^ My parents even got me a 128 mb memory stick for my camera as a present! How nice! Expect pictures, muahaha!.

Tuesday, February 25, 2003

Busy busy busy

Today, I was helping Kay fill glass molds, holding open the annealer door for her, and it didn't register in my head that my sweatshirt was not MELTED! My poor poor sweatshirt that I've had since like the 7th grade, all melted down the side. It's really not a terribly big deal, but I think I'm worn enough that it upset me a good bit.

I sat down the other day to re-organize the stuff going on in my life right now. You know, categorizing it into stuff that's important, stuff that's urgent, stuff that's important but not urgent...that sort of thing. I did this once in high school, and I remember the not important/not urgent section being pretty full. There were things like "watching tv" and "playing video games" and stuff, and I remember cutting back on a lot of that to make room for more important things.

So I was like, "ah! I'll find some time by cutting back on some of those!" So I made my list...and it was the category that was least full >_< I already don't watch tv, and though I would have said that Halo could use some cutting back in the fall, even those games are few and far between in the spring. So, the internet is suffering the biggest cut, which is still a stretch, because I don't spend a terrible amount of time on the internet as it is. Not as much as I used to, at least. I mean, I don't even have time to read web comics anymore, I struggle to keep up with two a day, how unpleasant!

So, I'm not going on any sort of big hiatus or anything, I'm just going to be around less than I already am. I did, however, implement my School AIM settings, so that now, if you see me on AIM, you'll know that I intend to stick around for longer than 15 minutes at a time ^_^

It won't be an easy feat, but I tried it today. I'm fortunate to have a wireless keyboard and mouse, because I can just take them and put them in the closet, it really reduces temptations to spend my blocks of free time futzing about online.

There's also an alternate reason for my taking a break. Sheldon's been giving me lots of advice about my wrists lately. I told him about what the doctor said, and he instantly turned into mother hen, telling me to do this or that or be careful of this. I'm going to start listening to him. Sheldon (for those of you who don't know, he's my painting instructor) has pretty severe carpal tunnel syndrome. He has big foam grips on his paintbrushes to help him, he has to treat his arms every day when he goes home, and he chatted with me about things he just has to do all the time for it. I think it's kinda sad, I mean, he's a painter. That's what he does for a living, he paints, he draws, he teaches others to do the same, that's his life, and he has to do it with a rather unpleasant nerve problem in his hands and wrists. How awful! I really don't want to end up like Sheldon (well, not in that sense at least, in every other sense maybe so, Sheldon's my hero! ^_^).

I guess I just want to do what I can to keep my symptoms from ever wandering anywhere outside of "mild," and this would be a good way to help do that. The wrists have been bothering me more often since glass picked up this term anyhow.

I'll keep this journal up, I'll try not to be *too* late in webpage updates, you know, that sort of things. Things might not even be so busy when March is through, we shall see, I guess.

Monday, February 24, 2003


I have been blessed and cursed with a very low stress perception.

On the upperhand, it means I don't get stressed out about things easily. Upcoming tests and papers do not worry me, finals week does not send me on an emotional fray, and I do not get "stressed out" over school and such...

The bad part about this is that I usually do not detect when I really am putting a lot of stress on myself. Things just pile up, and I schedule and organize and everything gets done. But it puts a lot of wear on me, I just don't perceive the stress. It's generally not until, as it was last term, I'm limping to class feeling as though my bones are on fire, and my professor sends me home from class to get rest that I even consider "You know, maybe I'm pushing myself a bit too hard."

At the end of every term, I'm amazed at how I barely survived, and every term I add a little more to my workload.

I generally do a pretty good job of keeping up with myself, but lately, I've been feeling myself shift and move and change beneath me. I know I need to catch onto it, so I don't look back at myself suddenly to find I'm a changed person, but I really am so busy. It's tricky, too, because isn't all this wonderful...torturous work I'm putting myself through supposed to be for bettering myself? And yet I'm so busy with *stuff* that I'm neglecting myself. Tricky!

Ultimately, this is what's happened...
A lot of stuff is going on in my life right now, and through much organization and planning, I've managed to get it all balanced. Sure, it may be an overly tall, wonky, wobbly structure, but it's balanced!

Then, today, as I was fine tuning the balanced structure of my life, a large, menacing, godzilla-like creature came stomping up in the form of a memo that said:
"Rhodes Scholarship! You should consider applying!"
Then the monster kicked over my structure, and stepped on me.

Now, I think applying for the Rhodes Scholarship would be an awesome thing to do. It's just that, I *never* had considered it before, and it's so much work! I am overwhelmed. O_o I'm going to talk to Sheldon tomorrow.


Today in theory...

The Pumping Theorem:

Let L be a regular language.
Then there exists n >=1 such that any string w that is an element of L with |w|>n,
there exists x, y, z so that w can be rewritten as w=xyz, such that y !=e, |xy|<=n, and xy^iz is an element of L for each i>=0.

Me: "So, where does the n come from?"
Dr. McAllister: "Oh, well, the n is sorta like magic."
Class: "Ah,, yes *note note note*."

Saturday, February 22, 2003

Just some links

Hooray! My glass fishie is doing very well ^_^ Approaching last chance!

Meanwhile, in Computer Organization, we were discussing acronyms and their potential silliness, and Dr. Montgomery told us about this little piece of US defense. It's.......interesting.,13716,423690,00.html

Wednesday, February 19, 2003

Edumacation on Wertle

I'm normally not one to fill out internet surveys, but I read this one off and liked it. For one, it doesn't consist of 8 biztrillion one-word-answer sort of questions, because I never read those. Plus, even if no one else but me reads it, writing the answers will provide some introspection at the very least ^_^

1. What are five (or more) claims to fame that you have? we all have them... in other words, things that not-just-everybody has done.

--Well, lessee. I went to England and saw 30 plays in 3 1/2 weeks. I guess a ball of English regional theater experience that condensed is worth as much ^_^

--When I was very very little, I went on adventures. Real adventures. You see, we lived behind an airport, and one day the city decided they were going to make the airport bigger, and thus plow over all our homes. For awhile, there was an abundance of abandoned houses in my neighborhood, so my friends and I...all of us under 11 or so, would break into and explore them. We had a vast space of mystery and the unknown to play our adventures in. (Note: I still don't know if the parents have found out about this ¬_¬)

--I used to be on a synchronized swimming team. Synchronized swimmers are HARD CORE, so don't anybody laugh (grrr).

--I guess being able to work in glass is as much of a claim to fame as anything. Cartooning too for that matter.

--I still have my very first stuffed animal, Doggie, whom I've had since I was born. Holding him always floods my mind with the multitude and saturation of experience I've gone through, and I'm only 21.

2. What are five--or more--quirks that you have?

--I cannot eat around young children, or watch them eat, without growing thoroughly disgusted and losing my appetite. There's just something sensually repulsive about it. When it comes down to it, I think it all stems to a time when I was younger, at my grandma's, absently eating Cheetos out of a bag and watching tv. At one point I looked over to see that my baby cousin had been sitting there all along...she would take a cheeto, put it in her mouth and gum it for awhile, then put it BACK IN THE BAG!! GUHH!! I nearly threw up. I'm hoping I'll get over this when/if I ever have children O.o;;

--People have told me that I "write backwards," by which they mean I start my printed e's from the bottom instead of the middle line and other such weirdness in printing letters. I certainly never noticed this, nor thought it that strange, but apparently it is.

--Along the same lines, apparently I pick up sandwhiches wrong. My friend vehemently pointed this out to me once, and I usually don't think about it. Sometimes, though, when I'm eating a sandwhich I think "Oh! I pick these up wrong! Let's see how I do it..." Then, of course, since I'm thinking about it, it doesn't work.

--I like to think of myself as a peacable person, slow to anger and such. However, there are certain noises which *instantly* drive me into a near-violent festering rage, which has no rational basis whatsoever. Such noises include snoring, power saws (though the table saw doesn't seem to bother me), and leaf blowers.

--I hate bologna, I'm not overly fond of ketchup, but I LOVE bologna cheese and ketchup sandwichs. Only in that combination.

--Great singing is instantaneous inspiration for me to do art. Here's how it works: I hear a friend singing away, I think "I wish I could sing, if I could sing like that, I'd sing aaaaaaaall the time." This immediately triggers thoughts of people seeing me draw, and saying "I wish I could draw, if I could draw like that, I'd draw aaaaaaaaaaall the time." So I stop abruptly and think "Well, I'd best get to it..." and roam off in search of a pen and paper.

3. Name 5 or more things you love about yourself.

--I am a readily available resource of unconditional love. Slow to anger, slower to judge, and pretty much accepting once I get over my initial fear of people.

--I have a multitude of talents and interests, and I excel in multiple fields. And, more importantly, I'm now realizing that this is not something I should stifle in embarrassment, but milk to the best of my ability.

--I like my body. I like being exceptionally strong for my mass, and I am particularly fond of my shoulders and tummy.

--I am thrilled that I have the ability to make other people happy.

--I keep up with myself, am able to step out of my timeframe and take things in perspective, and always work through hard times to my satisfaction.

4. Name 5 things (this one is limited to 5) that you don't like about yourself.

--I am too sensitive at times. The favorite scenario is that I think, a lot, before I speak. When I say something, even something small, a lot of thought has gone into it. Thus, if someone interrupts my speech, even if it is entirely reasonable for them to do so, my gut's initial reaction is as someone has taken something I put a lot of thought into and carelessly knocked it over. I get badly hurt from it, and it does not stop there. I then realize that getting my feelings hurt over some silly interruption is quite silly in itself, then I feel worse for having gotten my feelings hurt in the first place. Even WORSE, people realize this has hurt my feelings, and they either
a) Stop talking and demand that I carry out my thought--which is impossible, because after sorting through the hurt I've lost all construct of what I was going to say, or..
b) Gently scold me for getting my feelings hurt, not mentioning any names *cough*dflo*cough**cough*. Gentle though the scolding may be, it
b1) Makes me feel WORSE about getting hurt
b2) Makes me angry and hurt that one would scold me over being interrupted
b3) Makes me realize how dumb getting angry is, and get hurt some more.
Before it's all said and done, I'm reduced to an achey little puddle of hurt over one ridiculous interruption. I don't like it.

--I have a hard time asking people for help, especially from my close friends, which is ridiculous. It takes a lot for me to go up to a good friend whom I spend most of my time with and love and am cared for by and say "I need to talk." I think this is a key factor in my needing so many hugs, I'm trying to make up for the comfort I need in not asking for help by building up a reserve of affection (it doesn't work)

--Something from just this year. I don't like that, for some reason, I'm constantly ill and getting hurt this year. I'm always in pain or feeling sick, which in turn greats on my emotional stability, which usually makes me clingy. It's very frustrating.

--I have a hard time communicating on certain levels. My thoughts are complete and make sense, but they generally fall apart when I try to transfer them verbally. I require a lot of back-and-forth, question-answer-verify, intense conversation. I don't get very much of that right now.

--Sometimes I'm afraid of ridiculous things. I want to play the piano again.

5. Name your favorite 5 'usual-use' things.

--Naps. Pleasant naps with an overabundance of pillows and blankets. I've come to think that I don't nap to catch up on sleep, but I nap to take a moment in my day to bask myself in comfort.

--My purple hat. I've grown rather attached to it. Few people know that the origin of the purple hat comes from me losing a previous, similar hat, which was blue/green and of a different, knitted material. It was still long with a little tassle on the end. I lost it once in like the 8th or 9th grade and was very sad, so my grandma got me a new hat for Christmas.


--My daily hug quota. I know I bother a lot of people with them, but they do mean a lot to me.

--Pleasant moments of being accutely aware of yourself and your surroundings. The smells that accompany weather are particularly intense at these points.

Monday, February 17, 2003

Time flies

For anyone who particularly liked my glass fish...

In other news, February has passed its midpoint! I noticed this today as I was making my calendar for the week, and had a brief moment of panic. The dreaded March-of-decision-making is that much closer. However, after a moment, I calmed down. I think I've done well about preparing myself...

-As far as the summer glass class goes, my slides are developed and I should pick them up today. I'm going to give Steve a deadline for my letter of recommendation, and today I'll ask Sheldon if he'll write one too. That just leaves the scholarship essay.

-I had Matthew revise my resume, and I've rewritten most of it. Today I'll schedule another appointment to have him look over the second copy. SETC is almost here, but I'm more excited than I am nervous ^_^

-The what-to-do-during-winter-term-next-year issue may already be decided. As much as I'd love to go, I don't think I can come up with the funds necessary to study in Morocco. However, there is a much cheaper biology trip to the Bahamas that may be affordable. A friend of mine went on it last year and really enjoyed himself. It's a popular trip, though, and I may not make it in even if I can come up with the deposit money.

I've been rigorously setting goals and keeping to them, and I'm proud of myself for that. It's only been two weeks and I feel like I've been back at school for months.

Friday, February 14, 2003


They said it correct

I spent the other day doing work in the art barn, and so wore my steel-toed boots as I always do, just in case, to protect my toes from dropping heavy things upon them.

Back in my room, I was taking the steel-toed boots off, and I DROPPED ONE ON MY TOE. Is that not the most perfect irony?

It's almost as bad as how I injured my neck yesterday giving someone a hug >_<

Thursday, February 13, 2003


Every time I go to some big thing at Centre--a guest lecturer, a speech, a play of some sort--I always feel invigorated and yet slightly frustrated at the same time. There's always some incredible insight, or some important message, and I feel wiser for the world. But at the same time, I am always frustrated that I can't hunt down every person I've ever known offline/online/whatever in that exact moment, and drag them there and sit them down and say "You need to see this." It frustrates me that I can barely convey the message, which is reinforced so much by the experience, which is lost on me all together. It's not even enough to say "this is an awesome play, go see the movie," because the experience is just not the same. I suppose it wouldn't even be the same to drag friends from across the country, it's more forceful to sit and watch people you know in love in a place where you live draw frighteningly realistic parallels and make you think. The physical presence provided by theater is enough to drive any wavering point straight home.

The Laramie Project was beautiful and intense. Jeff's sleepless nights and the grueling work of the cast and crew paid off, and I believe it was a very important thing that happened on that stage. It made me think a lot--about hate, about people, about how we do important things in theater, about how we do important things in art. Overall, though, the biggest impact on me was the idea of community.

I've never been one to deny the fact that I live in a college bubble, and more often a smaller, more personal bubble. I always say "I live in Louisville, but go to school in Danville," or sometimes even opt out of the town name and just say "Centre." I need to realize that I live here, this is where I live, this is a community which I am part of, and I need to take responsibility for that.

There are things going on here that I found out about just last night, that I had *no* idea about. There are places I've never been, and my interaction with the people has been limited to say the most. So here's Wertle's message of the day:

Physical community is important. No matter how detached you feel from it, how different you are, how little you could care about what's going on down the street, YOU are a part of your community. You need to find a facet where you can affect it, and you need to take responsibility, because you live there, you are a part of it, you have a chunk of it to uphold. So, off with you now! Go on, take a look outside your window and see what you can. Take a few steps outside the bounds of your campus and figure out where you live. It's important.

As for me, I have a few goals to set for myself regarding my final year and a half at Centre...or rather, in Danville.

Tuesday, February 11, 2003

Laramie Project

So I declined getting into electrics for the spring show, even with my crescent wrench gnawing longingly at my sleeve. My wrists were scolding me by the end of the day, and I took that as a sign to not push it too far over the limit this term. I'll save it for road shows.

If anyone's near Danville tomorrow and Thursday night (I can only think of 2 right now), you should come see The Laramie Project. Directed by Jeff (the one who juggles flaming sticks) and with a killer cast, it should be a good show. Plus, if you visit, I might give you a cookie or something.

Monday, February 10, 2003

The Camel's back

The first weekend of spring term was surprisingly productive for me. I think I have discovered the secret for me not being a slacker--stay in the building in which the classes take place for which I must do my homework. Saturday morning I went to the art barn to shoot slides of some of my glass, and Steve asked if I could stay that afternoon and charge the furnace every half hour or so. I agreed, and actually got a lot of work on my casting project done.

Auditions for Chalk Circle are today, and I'm faced with a tedious decision. I'm already involved in the play, in that I'm going to help Katherine make masks, which should be awesome fun. I really want to do electrics as well, but judging how busy I'm going to be based on this weekend (and the glass slots haven't even started yet!), I fear that would be the breaking straw. I certainly couldn't sacrifice a large enough chunk of time to be light board op again, but I would still like to be an electrician. I'd even have tech weekend taken care of, as I don't plan on picking up glass slots on Fridays or Saturdays, and the studio is closed on Sundays.

Still, I have a gnawing fear that it might be a bit too much for me. I don't want to hurt myself, and I still have the big Decision-Making-March to contend with. And besides, there are tons of road shows this term, so I'll get my electrician fix in regardless. I'll wrestle with the idea a bit and decide by this afternoon I suppose.

Saturday, February 8, 2003

Glass auction

Well, there's a first time for everything, I guess...

Wertle glass for sale! Yay!

On an unrelated note, my great-grandmother turns 100 tomorrow. Happy birthday Meme!

Wednesday, February 5, 2003


Spring Term has begun! It was a little intimidating to start the term, I didn't feel ready (in spite of how much I had prepared). Part of that was because I had to leave my computer home for a few days to get some things fixed. A few measley days and I'm freaking out! How dependent I have become on the thing x_x

I am, in fact, sitting in the little lounge place in Olin, checking email and stuff. I just had my first Theoretical Foundations of Computer Science class. Should be interesting, and should force me to keep on my toes. I suppose I need that. It is also the "Class Full of People I've Known Since Freshman Year but Have Never Had Class With Before." Yes, the class consists of me, Brendan, Darren, Buddah, Woody, Zaid, Yuliya and others. Part of it is fun, I actually get to have a class with a bunch of friends and aquaintances, but in a way it is somewhat intimidating.

I'm going to dawdle around here and get some work done before lunch. My schedule is befuddling me this term, because my day is all chopped up. Usually I have at least two or three of my classes all bunched together, but this term there are many pockets of free time. It could be a good thing, and force me to stay put and do work, as opposed to me wandering off to my room and being a slacker.

Lunch at 11, then Discrete Math, then Computer Orginization. Whoa, I think this is the first term ever where I've had an entire day with no art classes. Before there was always painting, glass, or art history O.o Glass tomorrow. I'll hopefully have my computer back on Friday.

Sunday, February 2, 2003

Happy Birthday!

Hooray for birthdays! Yup, today was my birthday, a very special February 2nd (and for the record, I did not see my shadow when I woke up this morning, so spring is on the way! Um...that's right...isn't it?)

I am now the big 2-1, but I don't drink, so it's not terribly exciting. In fact, out of all my birthdays, it's the one I've wished would come and go as quickly as possible more than any other birthday, just so I could get the teasing over and done with.

My parents got me an interesting gift. It was a watch, which is a sort of "Oh, how nice" thing at first, but it was a watch with a lot of weight. The story...

I am horrible at losing and breaking watches, ever since my very first digital watch. I was always keen on digital watches, being on swim teams, they were very helpful. So, a majority of birthday presents from my parents have been new digital watches, which "I promise not to lose this time!" It was almost to the point where I expected it--a nice new clunky digital watch with velcro wristband (for easy attachment) and helpful timers.

This was a different watch. It was a very nice watch. It wasn't a clunky, practical digital watch, but a very nice, sophisticated looking...grown-up watch. It struck a chord than rung deep and roused up many ponderings about myself.

My initial thoughts went to a conversation I'd been having with regarding some artistic ability or another, and some comment about a final blessing from my fairy godmothers before they disappeared in the long sleep of adulthood (which, unfortunately, is poorly paraphrased. I always close IMs before I think to save them, always when there are important words inside).

I feel I've grown up in a lot of ways. There's a lot inside of me I take for granted and that I fail to share, and that needs to change. I don't mean that I haven't been the real Lisa, I've been myself, it's just that I haven't been ALL of myself, especially around the people closest to me. It's frustrating.

Brendan put it well to me once that I was grown up, it was growing *out* that I'm having trouble with. Does that make any sense?

At any rate, this term smells of change. I think it's a good time to show my friends who I really am.


and damn it all to hell, I forgot to trace a radioactive symbol in the icing of my yellow cake >_< Blast!