Monday, February 24, 2003


I have been blessed and cursed with a very low stress perception.

On the upperhand, it means I don't get stressed out about things easily. Upcoming tests and papers do not worry me, finals week does not send me on an emotional fray, and I do not get "stressed out" over school and such...

The bad part about this is that I usually do not detect when I really am putting a lot of stress on myself. Things just pile up, and I schedule and organize and everything gets done. But it puts a lot of wear on me, I just don't perceive the stress. It's generally not until, as it was last term, I'm limping to class feeling as though my bones are on fire, and my professor sends me home from class to get rest that I even consider "You know, maybe I'm pushing myself a bit too hard."

At the end of every term, I'm amazed at how I barely survived, and every term I add a little more to my workload.

I generally do a pretty good job of keeping up with myself, but lately, I've been feeling myself shift and move and change beneath me. I know I need to catch onto it, so I don't look back at myself suddenly to find I'm a changed person, but I really am so busy. It's tricky, too, because isn't all this wonderful...torturous work I'm putting myself through supposed to be for bettering myself? And yet I'm so busy with *stuff* that I'm neglecting myself. Tricky!

Ultimately, this is what's happened...
A lot of stuff is going on in my life right now, and through much organization and planning, I've managed to get it all balanced. Sure, it may be an overly tall, wonky, wobbly structure, but it's balanced!

Then, today, as I was fine tuning the balanced structure of my life, a large, menacing, godzilla-like creature came stomping up in the form of a memo that said:
"Rhodes Scholarship! You should consider applying!"
Then the monster kicked over my structure, and stepped on me.

Now, I think applying for the Rhodes Scholarship would be an awesome thing to do. It's just that, I *never* had considered it before, and it's so much work! I am overwhelmed. O_o I'm going to talk to Sheldon tomorrow.

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