This is just a reminder post, as I've noticed quite a few people have friended this journal since last year, but apparently not the RSS feed of my real journal (which is here: ). So, you should take a look at that if you want to read about my life going-ons, but keep this journal friended if you want me to be able to read your super secret postings.
Gabbard posted pictures from the TMBG concert, check out the broken floor! We are so hard core.
I usually grumble at myself and post apologies for doing memes. However, I do this one all the time on other people's journals, it's high time I started giving out strokes,
Reply with a message and I'll tell you something I adore about you. (this is generally followed up by a demand to do the same in your own journal, but I don't like to be pushy)
TMBG ROCKED HARD CORE! At first, we were worried. Centre, while starting to drag in cool bands for Carnival, still does an absolutely craptacular job of advertising them. So the crowd was rather small. We seated in the orchestra were worried, we did not want the Giants to be sad that there was a small group. So, we all vowed to be the most energetic, enthusiastic crowd possible, sending lots of love and energy.
When the band came on, they invited us to come right up to the small area of the pit which was right against the stage and did not have seats, so of course we all rushed up. I was lucky enough to be right against the stage. John looked at mee!! *swoon* (both of them! *double swoon*).
Anyway, we rocked hard core. Like HARD core. And then, something happened, something that my Centre friends who were absent from the concert will enjoy...
We rocked so hard that...
(wait for it)
We rocked SO HARD..
We rocked out so hard that we BROKE THE PIT. That's right! All our bouncing and dancing and pogo-ing was just too much for it, and it split RIGHT DOWN THE MIDDLE. The right half of the pit sunk three inches lower than the left half, and the bouncing continued, and it got REALLY wobbly.
Having worked road shows at Centre before, I knew how far of a drop that would be if the pit suddenly gave way, so I took to desperately clutching the edge of the stage. Fortunately, the bracing held, and we continued to rock.
And it was awesome. Gabbard should have pictures of the damage up soon.
I suppose I should introduce you all to my newest addiction, that being the LJ community RE: Image. It's great fun times, and if anything is good practice for me drawing with a Wacom.
Bringing you such favorites as...
Inside Jokes with other members with context outside of the community!
Discussion of irrational fears!
and, of course....Dance Parties
So yes, go and play.
THEY MIGHT BE GIANTS TONIGHT!!! WOOOO!!!!
Having an insight, or learning something new that is very big, or remembering something that was important is never very gradual for me. It is an explosion--a wonderful, wonderful explosion.
I remembered, all of a sudden! I remembered what I'm here for. I remembered what I'm supposed to do.
You never grow up, really. You are always a parent and a child in the same body, with a computer thrown in there in between. You can be surrounded by people and still feel isolated and lonely. There are people in the world of all ages and walks and professions who are so desperately, desperately in need of someone who will look at them as a child, and see their own child, notice it exists, and smile and say "play with me!"
My heart is so full, to the point of bursting. It is wonderful.
I love all of you so very very much.
What can warrant a third update in one day?? New roommates!
Terzy, upon moving into a new apartment, needed to find a new home for her two ratties. She asked me and of course I said yes, remembering the not-too-long-ago visit with Steph where I discovered rats make awesome pets, and that I would like to have some someday. So now I am the owner of two new pets, Leviathan and Narco.
Yeah, I think we're gonna get along just fine :)
Internet Acquaintance and fellow Collaborator Stephen has asked that people plug his comic for its 2 year anniversary. So I am. Go read it. Stephen draws THE most expressive stick figure people EVER! And is often able to capture facial emotions that I could only dream about drawing.
I highly recommend the "random!" button (that was my idea)
SECTION 1: YOUR INFO
1. First Name: Lisa
2. Nicknames: I don't know if I have any, though I answer to Wertle. A lot of people are apt to call me by my full name, and Eric Abele used to call me "Downtown Lisa Brown"
3. Age: 23.
4. Siblings: Older brother Eric, who is awesome
5. Who do you have a crush on? Excuse me, that would be a secret
6. Birth date: February 2, 1982.
7. Screen name(s): Wertle1 (SyrusGrgyl and Zedraldeklan are rp names, but I don't have much time for that anymore)
8. Where you live: Louisville, KY
SECTION 2:MORE INFO
1. cell phone: It sounds like a cricket
2 .Favorite Salad Dressing: Garlic Expressions *drool*
3 .Favorite band(s): They Might Be Giants, and some other stuff too
4. Favorite movie : The Shawshank Redemption (I didn't even have to change it from D Flo's!)
5. Favorite book: "American Gods" by Neil Gaiman. (YOU ARE COPYING ME)
6. Favorite type of music: Geek Rock
7. Favorite car: Mine! The S stands for SUBMARINE!
8. Favorite Saying(s): Mrf?
9. Favorite Fast food: Panera...or maybe Schlotsky's...or maybe Jersey Mike's
10.Favorite Ice Cream: Phish Food
11.Favorite Drink: Dr. Pepper and his associates
12.Favorite Alcoholic Drink: n/a
13.Favorite Flower: roses are delicious
14.Favorite Food: Buffalo Wings
15.Favorite Song: it varies
16.Favorite Television Show(s): I dun watch much TV these days, so I'll default to Futurama
17.Favorite Radio Station: the 80's station, before they got rid of it *sob*
18.Favorite Candy: chocolate
19.Favorite color: purple
20.Favorite Sneakers: My old fallin-apart vans
21.Favorite Smell: FEAR
22.Favorite Brand of Gum: any kind of bubblegum
23.Favorite Animal: Dragon!
24.Favorite place to sleep: anyplace I feel safe. These days that's in Brendan and Maria's apartment
25.Favorite thing to do in the summer: Play!
SECTION 3: THE FUTURE
1.School: Maaaaaaybe Carnegie Mellon
2.Where you want to live: Near the people I love
3.How many kids: NO
4.What kind of Job: One where I get to work with cool people
5.Get Married: *shrug*
SECTION 4: HAVE YOU EVER...
I'm skipping this section because all the answers are "no'. It's all like "have you done drugs" and "have you had sex with 3 people at once" and all that. I'm boring
SECTION 5: WHICH IS BETTER?
1. Coke or Pepsi: don't like either
2. cats or dogs: cats
3. One pillow or 2: 4--1 for head (sometimes 2), 1 for knees, and 1 on either side for snuggling when I roll over
4. deaf or blind: blind
5. hot tubs or pool: depends on if I'm playful or lazy
6. Televison or radio: ugh, i don't do either much anymore
7. Cool ranch or Nacho: ew
8. Mud wrestling or JELLO: insufficient data
SECTION 6: WHAT IS:
1. LOVE: it is the Big Thing
2. Your most prized possession: my stuffed doggy
3. The thing that makes you the happiest: Being near people I love
4. The worst thing that ever happened to you: The whole New England experience was pretty rough, but I don't regret it
5. Your favorite slow song: iunno
6. The grossest thing you have ever eaten: beets, i hate them
7. Your biggest Fantasy: iunno
8. The best feeling in the world: physical affection without social barriers
9. The worst feeling in the world: sleep paralysis
10.The scariest thing that has ever happened to you: sleep paralysis the first time, I was sure I was dying
11.The best number in the world: 0, it screws everything up
12.The best memory of this year: Spinelli's...YUM
13.The object you miss the most: the College Bubble
SECTION 8: WHO?
1. Makes you laugh the most: D Flo! Whenever we are on the phone I laugh so loud the people in the next room say "are you talking to D Flo again?"
2. do you hate: I...don't think I do.
3. Knows the most about you: Carleton
4. do you trust the most: Ken
5. Seems to be the most down to earth: Ken
6. Has it easier-guys or girls: wha?
7. Loudest person you know: Yale x_x
8. Craziest person you know: Meghan Langley, I miss you!!
9. Weirdest person you know: weird like how?
10.Who are you thinking about right now: Excuse me, that is a secret
11.Who do you miss: Ken, D Flo, Jeffrey K, Brendan (even though he's just right downtown and i see him the most!), Carleton
SECTION 9: MORE USELESS BUT NEAT INFORMATION
1.Do you ever save AIM conversations: Yes, especially if they are insightful or if they contain vital information (like phone numbers)
2.Do you save e-mails: yes
3.Do you save pictures people send you: yes
4.How many people are on your buddy list: I don't know, I have them broken up into many little groups and I don't feel like doing the math
5.Do you like motorcycles: I went on a ride ONCE on my uncle's Harley. I've added it to my "list of things I've done", and I'm never looking back.
6.What are your favourite stores: Great Escape, any bookstore
7.Are you a player: huh?
8.When do you go to sleep: Late, lately, i haven't been sleeping well
9.When do you wake up: 9 or 10 or so
10.Do you sleep with a nightlight: no
11.What do you wear to bed: tee hee ^_^;;;;;;;;;;;;;
12.Is your bed made: Ha! No
14.Where do you wish you were right now: Within pouncing distance of my friends
15.Are you righty, lefty, or ambidextrous: right
16.What's on the walls of your room: A bunch of prints that Synnabar gave me, the Spirited Away poster that Ken got me, some of my art, a drawing from Emil, a painting from Nick, the horseshoe crab I found in Westbrook, postcards, and the Dangermouse poster I bought in England
17.Do you type with your fingers on the right keys: Yes
18.Do you eat chicken with a fork or your fingers: Both
19.If you were to get a tattoo, what would it be of: One of those magic pictures, so I could slap people for staring at me for too long
20.When was the last time you took a shower: Yesterday
SECTION 10: LIFE NOW
1.What are you doing right now? Job hunting, working on personal projects, thinking about grad school
2.What time is it? 4:30 pm.
3.Have any plans for tonight? Either Tuesday Night Basketball or sticking around because my brother's visiting
4.Seen anyone you know today? No (unless talking to people on aim counts)
5.What were your first words this morning? mew
6.What do you think of this survey? I always feel bad about posting them, because I usually never read others'. But my rule is that if I *do* sit down and read one, then I may as well post one of my own
7.How long did it take you? I forgot to keep track
8.Any final words? I can never think of clever things
So our next door neighbors visited us the other night to let us know that they were moving, because they didn't want us to be surprised by seeing a For Sale sign going up suddenly in their yard. It's just a typical move: their kids are growing up, they need some more space, and the house they have bought connects backyards with another family members' house, allowing optimum running space for their still-growing dog.
It will be a strange feeling, though, watching them leave. I mean, although we are not super-close, we still got along very well with our neighbors. We watched their children growing up. They often came over to help us in our annual scare-the-little-kids haunted yard for halloween. Plus, there was a lot of casual, over-the-fence chatting.
They have a great big Yellow Lab, named Cleo, who has sort of become just as much our dog as theirs (the perfect dog ownership, all the perks and none of the responsibility, hehe!). It never failed that I would be away from home forever at school, but as soon as I came home and Cleo caught sight of me, she'd run around the yard all crazy-go-nuts, and I'd go throw sticks for her.
I dunno, I suppose having good next-door-neighbors that you get along with is something you can very easily take for granted. I'll miss them, in a vague sort of way.
I went to the zoo today to do some life drawings of the animals. Why haven't I been doing this sooner??? It was great fun, and I got some really good quick sketches. If you wanna take a look, here they are...
Here are a couple of my better ones...
Yesterday was considerably more energizing than the few days before it. I met up with LSC Scott and Mariah at the Louisville Science Center, where we did romp about our former domain. We surprised Julie (the volunteer coordinator and our old "boss") by all showing up together, and it aw a fine reunion. We even ran into even more former volunteers from our time, and it was all joy and play and laughter.
Being around those guys, and around the Science Center in general, was just the sort of energizing boost I needed, and I'm really glad we got together. I miss the Science Center. That was definitely one of the highest points for me emotionally. It was just such a wonderful playground, full of wonderful, wacky, brilliant, playful people. I remember when I first started going there, I was so shy and timid, as I'd signed up for the program all by myself. But then there were so many magical people. People like Marsh, who taught me that off-the-wallness was perfectly acceptable and liberating. Or Jared Schuetter, who planted within me the seed of obsessive Hawaiian shirt wearing. And of course the people I met in the program: Scott, Mariah, Kathleen, Devon, and billions more, all some of the most fantastic and amazing people I've ever met so far.
We ruled that Science Center during our time. RULED IT. Spreading and wallowing in the joy and fun that was SCIENCE and play. It was like an imaginary world that I got to escape to as often as I pleased, only it was populated with real people who were just as imaginative as me. Alas, I should never have strayed from the path of SCIENCE! ^_^ Perhaps I should learn something from this.
*note* I was never afraid to dance when among those of the LSC
After our joyful reunion, I went to my safe place--Brendan's and Maria's--and almost promptly fell asleep, the first bit of healing sleep I'd had in days.
"lisa...you and i are a lot alike, i think...we've always been the happy-go-lucky goofballs...and to maintain that image, we suppressed our sadness and our anger and the like...and i think its finally rising to the surface...and we don't know how to deal with it b/c we've never had to before...that's my take on what's happening to me anyway...its not that we're anymore depressed or sad than anyone else in the world...its just that we've never let ourselves deal with it before...but there is only so much you can suppress before it finally overflows...and after 22ish years, that overflow point may have been reached..."
He's right, you know. I am "okay", but only because I don't want people to make a fuss. I said to Brendan "There is something broken inside of me..." but he didn't think so. I think it's always been there. Way back in high school it kindled. In college, I would sneak over to Rodes and cry and cry onto Brendan, but I never knew what was wrong. I cried a lot more than that, there were weeks where there wouldn't be a night that passed with dry eyes. I just never told anyone, because they all looked so worried when they caught me.
Some people have been attributing what's happening to me to not dating Carleton anymore, I think, because it is immediate (several months immediate, anyway). And while I do miss him (though I miss the physical proximity of our friendship even more) and while it was a sad thing for me, that is not what is broken. He could even see that. That's what I always did, anyway, I attributed it to whatever was at hand. "Why can't I stop crying?? It must be classes/finals/sickness/my carpal tunnel/whatever."
That's why I'm so anxious to be where and with whom I feel safe. Don't worry, I'm gonna talk to someone. As per usual, trying to explain what is going on to the world is the most difficult part. I'm sure this post will only come off as a sliver.
Oy vey what a weekend! It's like being back at school, only I *want* to be frantically futzing over web sites.
The first one is the web site I'm getting paid for. Since it is my first "job" site, I wanted to be sure and make it all Dr. Professional and stuff. I'm very proud of myself, using lots of new CSS I hadn't played with before, no tables in sight (unless I *need* one for real and not for layout), and I've checked it in no less than 8 BILLION different browsers to make sure it looks okay. For a simple, informational website, it is quite a lot of work! I might get to do some web database stuff for the same people once it's up.
On the second hand, since Brendan is very busy, and since I've suddenly found a lot of new time on my hands, I'm helping Will (Jaster) with his super secret website for his super secret secret project of secretness. Of course I can't say much more, but the project has been a huge learning experience for me, as I've thrown myself in the midst of managing and building things that i don't *really* know how to do.
As far as "how I'm doing" in general, I'm still wavering someplace in "okay". I am happy to be able to frequently visit Brendan and Maria and Dave (though I do miss Ken and D Flo). I have decided that the only thing I really need in my life is to be close to one or more of them, where I feel safe. However, I am still trying to reconcile my emotions and my logic, and that can cause some painful friction. I have mostly just loaded myself up with personal projects, so i am always doing something.
I think things are going to be okay.
I always feel a little guilty making journal posts about dreams, because I have a hard time reading about other people's dreams, and I know the same must be true in reverse. Plus, I know that a dream always seems way cooler to you than it is to the people you're telling.
...but this one is really REALLY cool I promise!!!
The past few nights I have been plagued with dreams that are so realistic that I am absolutely convinced they are happening for real, but last night's was the strongest.
I dreamed that you could access Google Maps on your cell phone, and if you zoomed in far enough on the map, when you looked up, you were in that location! I thought this would be a very good way to visit Ken, so I typed in "New Orleans" and zoomed in until I found a place on the map that looked very similar to a map he showed me once to show where he lived and worked.
Even in the dream, I knew this was shaky logic, but I tried it anyway.
So I looked up, and sure enough, there I was in New Orleans. After wandering around nervously for a bit, I ran into Ken! "Heeey!" said Ken, "what are you doing here?" And I told him about Google Maps, and he took me to his place and we hung out and it was awesome.
I was so convinced that this was really happening, that when a phone call woke me up from my dream, after I hung up, I was all ready to go find my cell phone so I could go visit Ken. Then brain was like "psst, Lisa, you're awake now..." and I felt really dumb.
The moral of the story is, I miss Ken and he should visit soon!
Although, if I visit Ken in New Orleans and it looked like it did in my dream, I'm gonna totally freak out
Sunday it was 60 degrees and sunny, yesterday a rainstorm, today it snows. It's good to be home.
In other news, on Sunday, acquaintances Panda and Terzy came over to donate their faces to my cause. Meaning I'm building masks, I needed plaster positives of a boy face and girl face, and they were willing to be buried alive and breath through nose straws.
I've already started making a mask off one.
Well, I'm back home in Louisville. It was a long drive but not entirely unpleasant.
Mom planned to have a gathering the evening I got home (probably so I didn't slip into a depression, which was a good idea). My brother and sister-in-law came over, plus Brendan and Maria, as well as a few friends of the family. We had chili and played WarioWare and MarioKart, swiftly taking in Eric and Mary Beth and getting them appropriately addicted.
Since Dave couldn't make it last evening, I went over to visit him tonight. We went to the all-famous Pie Kitchen, where I engaged in my endless struggle to decide which slice of pie to get, or maybe just get 2 slices, 1 of each flavor, or maybe I should get ice cream. Anyway, Evan was there!!! So exciting! I haven't seen him in forever. It was nice to catch up with everybody.
In the meantime, I've been unpacking and cleaning, moving back in the home. I will admit, it is good to be home, although I will miss hanging out with Carleton very much. He and his brother, Scott, have promised to come visit this summer, though, which should be exciting and fun. Right now I'm just drained at the prospect of job hunting, but I have unloaded a ton of art projects onto myself to keep me busy in the meantime.
From Denali, as we were both discussing our disappointment with Girl Scouts in our youth, because we thought that it was supposed to be like Boy Scouts only for girls...
"Jr. High's science class made up for it, though. Alaska being Alaska, a year of science class was dedicated to wilderness survival. They taught us everything from different ways of building a fire, how to turn your pants into a floatation device if you end up in the ocean, how to make fire-starter sticks, signaling aircraft and rescue boats, what's edible and what isn't, etc. This training concluded with an optional survival trip. They put us on an island for three days and we had to pack everything we thought we would need to survive with into a three-pound coffee can... and that included our shelter. We were allowed to carry sleeping bags, though!"
No fair! I want to learn how to do all that stuff. I haven't even been camping since freshman year of college.
Yesterday was my last day at Long Wharf. It was very nice and everyone at the theater has been extremely supportive of me and my decision to leave. Bill the props carpenter got me an AWESOME Cowboy Bebop T-shirt. It was funny, too, because I had just recently been scouring the internet searching for one, but all the ones I found were either:
a) Horrible or uninteresting designs or
b) Images of Faye in a lewd pose
I never thought to look at Hot Topic.
Anyway, these next couple of days will be full of packing and pre-moving stress. I am happy to be going home, but I am very tired and don't feel like deciding the next step in my life. I have a web design job lined up to bring in a little bit of money, but I've always hated job hunting. Anyway, I probably will be fine once I get a bit of rest, I have much to do when I get home!
PayPal spoof letters are usually pretty clever. This one was just amusing...
"...However, failure to update your records will result in account suspension. Please update your records on or before February 31, 2005..."
So, while chatting with Jaster tonight, it dawned on me that I never posted my addition to the ashcan comic we (we being me, Jaster, Brendan, and Stephen) did for Comic Con last summer.
I'm warning you, it was thought up, drawn, and inked in a big fat hurry. I called on characters long forgotten to re-create, and made my usual mistake of thinking up characters first and trying to shove them into a too-long story. Still, it was a learning experience, and it has its moments. This year we've given ourselves PLENTY more time to prepare. Anyway, here you go: Samurai Virus
(WARNING: A puppy dies on the first page)
I just got back from a weekend visit with Steph and it was a blast and a half! Or no, make that 2 whole blasts.
After a tasty lunch, we went to this awesome candy store. You can pick out your own assorted chocolates, so it's like getting a box of chocolates, only just with the kinds you like, and no scary surprises. I also got a sucker in the shape of a lobster (don't worry, it was not lobster flavored)
Steph showed me around Salem, MA, and we went to some dinky-but-fun history museums about the witch trials. We also hit up a comic store, where I *finally* indulged myself in snagging the last volume of Bone, only to see the new color reprints! Now I want the whole set all over again. We also rooted through a secondhand bookstore, snagging children's books with inspiring illustrations out of the 50% off box.
We spent the rest of the evening playing various video games, with a brief break for sushi. After a bit of gaming the next morning, we went out for lunch, and then adventured on the shore (we did not find any critters, only a shoe-full of cold water, oh well!)
I'm really glad I got to visit! It was good fun, and I also got to see a bunch of Steph's art up close, including her in-progress raven thief sculpture. I also got to meet her sweet little rat, Oreo, who is adorable and has inspired me to add rats to my "potential pets" list Yay for visits!
Which is better? Pick one scenario to endure:
1. Persistant, mild pain for the beginning part of the day for every single day.
2 Crippling, excrutiating pain on the verge of preventing you from functioning in every day life, but it only happens 1 day a month.
Which is the better choice?
My parents sent me a cast iron teapot with 2 matching cast iron cups. It's reeeeeeeeeally cool looking, and holds a lot of tea. I guess I'll have to expand my tea horizons beyond Oolong now. It also has a dragon on it, and since I got a dragon teapot last year for my birthday, and another dragon themed teapot a few years ago for Christmas, I guess I might as well say I'm collecting them now ^_^
I also got, from my parents, money that was specifically intended for me to buy myself a Nintendo DS. This was great, because it's been a long time since I've been excited over getting a toy for a present. Plus, I haven't had a hand-held console since the original Game Boy and the Sega Game Gear. I went to the game store with Scott, and discovered they were selling Game Cubes for $60! This was highly tempting, because I've always said I'd like to get a Game Cube for cheap, for the sole purpose of getting Warioware and MarioKart, which would probably be the only two games I'd play for it. Tempting, yes, but I stuck with my original plan and got a DS. I'll need something to keep my occupied on that flight to Japan!
Today at work, the prop shop threw me a little birthday party, complete with donuts and video games at lunch time. Then the most surreal thing happened. Billy the props carp showed me this crazy game for the PS2, Katamari Damacy, which is very silly and quirky, and great fun. I thought it'd be a fun game to get, and I almost considered asking to borrow it to show Scott and Geoff at home. Well, when I got home, Geoff started leading into a story about this crraaaaaaazy game he got for PS2, and I thought "Oh man, it's going to be the same game." Sure enough, Katamari Damacy. I think this is an omen telling me to go out and buy it.
So we had a birthday dinner at the house, and then Carleton's family surprised me with a gift! Not just any gift...Scott sneakily heard my temptation lament at the game store, and the whole family went out and bought me one of those $60 gamecubes, along with the my 2 coveted games. SO EXCITED!
It's been a very long time since I've gotten so many fun toys for my birthday, and I don't think I've been so excited about video games since that Christmas when I got my Sega Genesis. I am endlessly grateful!
This gave me my first laugh for the day...
Most professional writers have a cutesy answer to the common question "where do you get your ideas?" They'll say things like "I don't know," or "stop asking me that," or "I make them up, okay? I make them up." Hilarious! But unhelpful nonsense all the same...
The past couple days at work, Billy and I have been discussing odd little features about language--weird origin things, like how pie came from magpie, where you're not really sure if that is the true origin or if someone made it up who thought they were clever...or who really was insane. (to quote Tony Haigh, "If the hat fits, wear it!")
Anyway, aside from all that, I think my favorite word is "vicarious." I can remember distinctly the moment I learned that word. It was a vocabulary word in some high school English class. Through a drone of nonsense words that would only show up on the SAT, this little gem popped up. I read the definition, blinked, and thought to myself..
"This is the single most useful word I have ever learned in school, ever."
What a great word. It is such a complicated and yet very common abstract experience. Several sentences' (or at least one lengthy one) worth of sufficient explanation summed up into one tiny, glorious, USEFUL word. Because of its usefulness in life, I learned the word instantly. I cannot remember another word I learned from a vocabulary list, though by now I'm sure they've been submitted somewhere in my language database.
Billy said there was a German word that means "something you don't want to do, but have to do," and that we needed such a word in English, since that pretty much sums up most of life. I forget what the German word was.
Words are so cool. That's why I keep linguistical word magicians under my eye: Dave , Ryan , Brendan , Mariah , and all you other writer sorts.
Someday, I'm going to make an animated TV series. And you know what? It's going to have a happy freakin ending. Warm, fuzzy, self-gratification happy.
It might not be the correct ending. It might not be the appropriate ending. It would certainly make the Centre drama department shake their heads and tsk-tsk, such an ending. But I don't care.
The end will make people so happy that they'll finish watching it, go outside, and dance on clouds and make sunshine. The kind of sun with the smiley face. It will be so happy that people will pee spring water and their sweat will evaporate into euphoric gases. People will be so freakin happy they won't know what to do with themselves.
So...so there! *sobs in her pillow*
My recent bought of indecision and anxiety about my post-school life have been comforted somewhat by the recent articles discussed by Brendan, and also the discussion going on about them in his LJ feed: here and here
I get the "not being alone feeling" not from the articles, but the people posting in response to them. GO TEAM TWIXTER! *cringe*
I could talk about Singing Forest right now, but I don't think I'm ready to talk about that yet, so instead I'll give a simple weekend review.
I went with Carleton to New York to visit his friend, Mike. I hadn't been to the city since the 6th grade, and that trip mostly involved me scurrying to keep up with my dad and uncle, occasionally gazing at the tall buildings because that's what I figured tourists were supposed to do.
It was a nice train ride from Milford (which is just near where I work, and has free parking on the weekends for their station, woo!). Mike's apartment is in the Upper West side of Manhattan and is quite nice. Friday night we went to the planetarium for some music-and-show-off-computer-rendering deal. 'Twas nice.
The next day we went to get bagels, at some place that Carleton spouts is the best bagel place in the WORLD!!! (Just tasted like normal bagels to me, perhaps my palette for bagels is just not sophisticated). The main mission of the day was to help Mike buy a betta. I wish I'd brought my camera so I can add Rocky's picture to the growing list of "Friend's Bettas".
That night we went and saw Carleton's Cousin play a set at some club/bar place. His music is very good, and we'd seen him play at a coffee shop in CT last weekend. This time he was with a band, and it was a very lively set.
We then retired to Mike's apartment and watched City of God, a very powerful and awesome movie. Mike's mom is from Brazil, and used to teach in the City of God, and apparently said that the movie is quite accurate as far as how things are there. The individual story is very uplifting, but the truthfulness of the situation is rather depressing.
Overall, a very nice visit. It's much more pleasant to visit the city when you are with people who know how to get around.
-January of 2004 started out with Centre term and The Yellow Boat. It was an amazing experience, and made me think that I might want to do props as a job. The show itself was a joy to work on, and the end product was so powerful.
-Also in January, my need for companionship drove me to acquire Fish, my first betta. He's still going strong--moved all the way up to a 10 gallon tank--and he provided many things for me through that spring term of senior year (namely company, and someone to care for--sometimes at my own expense).
-Spring of 2004 was a flurry of busy times in my memory. I recall a lot of pain and sweat. It culminated towards the end, where it all paid off at the conclusion of my senior art exhibition, in which I was informed that I had acquired a job for the next year. The sensation of relief and excitement afterwards was amazing.
-I made the best of my last summer ever. It was an outpouring of pent up creative juices into various forms of art, spending time with good friends, and having Carleton nearby. I made it a point to never be bored, and milked the time for everything I could.
-The fall was the start of the changes. Moving up here, starting my job, having various intimidating grown-up things tossed at me from all around--it was all rather overwhelming. I've learned so much working at Long Wharf, both good and bad. I've acquired all kinds of exciting new skills, and all kinds of unpleasant new knowledge.
-Winter rolls around, and it is time for change. It is strange, I love the things I get to do, I love to be able to create. But at the same time, I am not happy here. To put it bluntly, working in theater sucks balls. It is not worth it. People say that to work in theater you have to "really love it," more and more that's starting to sound like a cop-out, something people say to reassure themselves. I remember hearing about when Laura Beth Adams gave up theater to move to Arizona and teach aerobics, or something like that. Everyone seemed so shocked, and even outraged, but I think I can empathize now.
I don't know what to do now. I took this internship to find out if I really wanted to do this as a job, and the answer is a resounding No. Would quitting be along the lines of abandoning these people or this obligation? Or would it be the right thing to do, the braver thing?
More than this has taught me that being brave is terrifying and painful.