Sunday, February 2, 2003

Happy Birthday!

Hooray for birthdays! Yup, today was my birthday, a very special February 2nd (and for the record, I did not see my shadow when I woke up this morning, so spring is on the way! Um...that's right...isn't it?)

I am now the big 2-1, but I don't drink, so it's not terribly exciting. In fact, out of all my birthdays, it's the one I've wished would come and go as quickly as possible more than any other birthday, just so I could get the teasing over and done with.

My parents got me an interesting gift. It was a watch, which is a sort of "Oh, how nice" thing at first, but it was a watch with a lot of weight. The story...

I am horrible at losing and breaking watches, ever since my very first digital watch. I was always keen on digital watches, being on swim teams, they were very helpful. So, a majority of birthday presents from my parents have been new digital watches, which "I promise not to lose this time!" It was almost to the point where I expected it--a nice new clunky digital watch with velcro wristband (for easy attachment) and helpful timers.

This was a different watch. It was a very nice watch. It wasn't a clunky, practical digital watch, but a very nice, sophisticated looking...grown-up watch. It struck a chord than rung deep and roused up many ponderings about myself.

My initial thoughts went to a conversation I'd been having with regarding some artistic ability or another, and some comment about a final blessing from my fairy godmothers before they disappeared in the long sleep of adulthood (which, unfortunately, is poorly paraphrased. I always close IMs before I think to save them, always when there are important words inside).

I feel I've grown up in a lot of ways. There's a lot inside of me I take for granted and that I fail to share, and that needs to change. I don't mean that I haven't been the real Lisa, I've been myself, it's just that I haven't been ALL of myself, especially around the people closest to me. It's frustrating.

Brendan put it well to me once that I was grown up, it was growing *out* that I'm having trouble with. Does that make any sense?

At any rate, this term smells of change. I think it's a good time to show my friends who I really am.


and damn it all to hell, I forgot to trace a radioactive symbol in the icing of my yellow cake >_< Blast!

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